Last time I talked about SMART goals—the path to using hard data to meet our goals in life and in writing. For some situations these work great; they enable writers (and others) to set up things they want to achieve, break them down into manageable, measurable pieces that they can achieve, track, and grow with.
And at some other points, there’s not a hard data approach to a situation; it’s more of a sense of finding balance, something non-quantifiable, and you have to go on feel.
Here’s the challenge: guiding your own practice with the feel.
Imagine you’re in the dark, feeling around with your hands, trying to find your way to a bathroom in an unfamiliar hotel room. Yes, you’re likely to bump into things—watch out shins!—but can you get there? Yes. Is there a better way to do it? Likely. And, feeling through the space can also get it done.
We have five senses to interpret our outside world. How many senses to interpret our interior world?
I’d argue for two: feels (emotions) and thoughts.
Maybe you think of this as your gut and your head. Or heart / head. Whatever.
We talk about “gut instincts,” “following your gut,” and “listening to your heart.”
For me, much of the internal listening I do comes in the form of thoughts. That’s the voice I hear, the constant narrative, interpreting my world, actions, and decisions. And I can recognize that it’s only one part of how I navigate my experience.
Maybe it’s not even the best. Because, if I’m really honest, it sometimes kicks the shit out of me, is unnecessarily hard, and can be soul-crushing. (See post on Best Bosses)
That other voice? It’s so quiet. But it’s part of what I call “the feels.” Can this guard me into a practice that gets the work done?
The “ish goal”
My own coach, Katherine Golub, says without any doubt, “Yes.”
She talks here about the “-ish goal.” That is, in my case, I set the goal that I’m going to write every day-ish.
Maybe some weeks that’s 6 days, or 7, or 4. Maybe it means I average 5.2. Who knows?
What I know, and why I’m choosing this instead of something more rigid, is that there’s a spectrum I track internally in my self-evaluation, a line from “not good enough” to “doing too much, too perfect.”
For years I’ve had a “shadow” (in men’s growth terminology) of dual nature: I’m not good enough AND I’m too good.
How can these coexist? Well, maybe they both come from being out of balance. So for now the “-ish goal” works for me because I’m going to trust myself to stay in or near this point of balance.
I know I’m not going to stop writing altogether when I’m well into a good project, one I have no desire to put down, and I don’t need a false boundary to protect myself from myself. If I can and want to write for every day in a week, well… guess what: I can do it!
Hooray! (You have no idea how long it took me to get to this allowing, this permission. Maybe that’s a post for another time.)
How about you: what’s your “-ish goal?” Are you on a path to finding your own sense of self-trust? Or are you ready for a coach to help guide you and keep you accountable? We’re all at different stages and habits can be harder to form at the start.
Let me know in the comments. Because I love hearing from you!
